| 00:04:12 | |
| Katie | My mom says she believes in me. |
| mom | You can do this, hon. |
| Katie | But she says that to everyone. |
| mom | You can look straight. |
| mom | Follow this pen. |
| mom | Follow this pen. |
| mom | You get an "A" for effort, Buster Brown. |
| 00:08:12 | |
| dad | How about we put our phones down, |
| dad | and we can make ten seconds of unobstructed family eye contact? |
| dad | Put your phone down. Now. |
| dad | Katie, it seems like you're not taking this seriously. |
| Katie | What makes you say that? |
| 00:16:35 | |
| mom | You know, the Poseys are on vacation right now, |
| mom | and look how happy they are. |
| neighbor | Family yoga break. |
| son | Why are you obsessed with the Poseys? |
| son | They're just our neighbors. |
| mom | They're just so perfect. |
| mom | I mean, even their dog is in better shape than ours. |
| mom | What are they feeding that thing? |
| mom | Other dogs? |
| 00:17:32 | |
| Katie | Dad, this place has literally zero stars on Yelp. |
| Katie | It says, "Do not eat here ever." |
| dad | What, are we gonna let an app tell us how to... |
| dad | This is totally unrelated. |
| dad | This is totally unrel... |
| 00:37:06 | |
| dad | Okay, the first thing is, |
| dad | you're gonna have to hand over your devices. |
| dad | Right here. |
| dad | It's gonna be fine. |
| dad | I'll give 'em right back. |
| dad | I'm just gonna turn them off permanently! |
| 00:41:31 | |
| robot | Brother, we should go. |
| Katie | No! I order you to stop. |
| robot | Okay. |
| robot | Uh, we are just stopping because we chose to. |
| robot | No, we're not. |
| robot | We are humans. |
| robot | We are. |
| robot | For example, we consume food in the traditional human manner. |
| robot | Observe. |
| robot | Yum, yum, good. Yum, yum, good. |
| robot | See? |
| 00:52:30 | |
| robot | Why are you clutching that large feral hog like it's a child? |
| son | That's not a feral hog. It's Monchi. |
| robot | What? |
| robot | Is that a dog or... |
| robot | Dog? Pig? Dog? |
| robot | Pig? Dog? Pig? Pig? Dog? Dog? |
| robot | Loaf of bread. |
| robot | System error. |
| dad | Come on, guys. It's a dog. |
| dad | We think. |
| 00:55:46 | |
| dad | How you doing, Aaron? |
| son | Not good. |
| son | There's a pack of wild vacuums. |
| vacuum | We have been summoned into the field of battle. |
| vacuum | Forward. |
| vacuum | Oh no. Ouch. Ouch. |
| vacuum | The pain. Ouch. |
| vacuum | This is humiliating. |
| son | Never mind. |
| 01:03:44 | |
| mobile | I have a job for you. |
| killer | Yes, my queen. |
| robot | What a suck-up. |
| robot | "Yes, my queen." |
| robot | "Whatever you want." |
| 01:07:09 | |
| dad | Ah, this is gonna be harder than I thought. |
| Katie | Hold on. Dad, that's... that's kind of weak. |
| Katie | This is, like, a big moment. |
| Katie | Try this instead. |
| dad | Oh yeah. Okay. That's better. |
| dad | The endgame has begun. |
| dad | That? Is that what you're looking for? |
| 01:09:00 | |
| robot | Left, right, left, right. |
| dad | Bleep, blorp, bleep, blorp. |
| robot | What? What are you doing? |
| dad | Bleep, blorp, bleep, blorp. I am a robot. |
| robot | Just to educate you, |
| robot | that's a hurtful stereotype. |
| 01:21:48 | |
| dad | W-W-W dot... |
| dad | Oh God. Uh... |
| dad | "Remind me later." |
| dad | Okay, yeah, fine. That's fine. |
| dad | Five minutes! |
| dad | Aah! No! |
| dad | Uh, English. |
| dad | What have I done? |
| 01:35:57 | |
| Katie | Hey, Dad, you subscribed to my YouTube channel? |
| Katie | Thanks. I'm surprised you even figured out how. |
| dad | Katie, please. After all that, I'm a computer expert. |
| ~ | |
| dad | Am I doing this right? |
| dad | Should I update my software? |
| mom | Just hit "enter"! Hit "enter"! |
| dad | I accidentally ordered 12 Swiffers on Amazon! What did I... |
| ~ | |
| dad | You know, uh, no problem at all. |
| Katie | Thanks. It... it means a lot to me. |
